And I will keep walking till the day I die.
Friday, October 07, 2005 Chem....was do-able..but we or maybe just me, didn't have enough time to finish it. MCQ, last 6 qns were all gasak....section C, last qns no time to do the last parts. This haunted me all the way home...I thought of all the excuses why I couldn't finish the paper.
"The MCQ needed lots of thinking and working to do...we were only given 45 mins...yeah that must be it."
"I couldn't do the paper cuz of lack of exam skills, not bcos I didn't study...yeah thats comforting to know."
"I certainly wouldn't encounter such a prob in JC 2 next time..yeah."
Excuses...in the end, everyone sits for the same paper, had the same amt of time...these are just...trivia excuses. I was so frustrated with myself......played on the organ. Searched around my scores...what to play? Canon in D poped out from somewhere in the archives file...ok its a nice song...might calm me down...
So I played....I vented my anger all on the song..and to my surprise, it sounded beautiful. All the little accents and staccatos I didn't bother to play before were all added in, and the music sounded totally different. It sounded like what I was looking for in that piece all these while since I last played it for the concert. It had the feel in it.
As i played, I thought about many things...about the exam, the atmosphere of the class when the paper was snatched away from them under their noses. (We were one of the unlucky classes to use klzroom..hall had no space to accomodate...not fair lo.) Then, I thought abt lg. his whole face and eyes were red. He was...dazed. He wasn't in his angry and BHB mood like the norm. It was...different. Instead of shouting arnd like a dumbf*** (sorry), he was silent. I thought he would drag Edmund to share his anger as usual, but he didn't...he walked with...Shir. Apparently I was walking with Shir too la...brothers wat. At the gate,
Lg: F*** la! F*** la!
Shir: why?
Lg: I didn't bring my calculator
And then, we seperated. Their bus stop was the opp one...mine wasn't. I thought about how he felt. Chem was one of his better sub. I would feel the same way too if I was him. Apparently, I was supposed to feel that way at that moment....but somehow, I couldn't stop my happy character from springing out. Instead offeeling sad and remorseful. I felt...normal. As if it was juz another boring day at sch and it was finally time to go home. I even called Maurice (he missed called me during my paper) to ask wat his prob was.
Me: you call for wat?
Maurice: I'm soooo bored at home, all your exams end so late....I don wanna be stuck at home, I wanna go out! Friday night go out for dinner?
Thats so him....using other plp like his pet....during his exam period he would nvr "go out for dinner"...but after his exams, he would find ways and means to drag anyone out to accompany him. I couldn't think properly yet..my mind was still on the chem paper.
Me: Uh....
Maurice: What's your paper left?
Me: Phy, maths, econs mcq & drq....
Maurice: Aiya can one la...juz go out with me please? I'm so bored at home la.
The "please" word..thats his favorite. I din noe what to ans, was still in a daze...so...
Me: ok you treat lo.
Maurice: ok set!
Thinking back, I wondered why I even said that...I shouldn't even be thinking of enjoying...but thats juz me. My mind is full of enjoyment, fun, happiness. I nvr feel sad for long. (Juz realised I sound like some chiko). But the sudden beeping of my HP thrusted me back out of dreamworld. I realised its quiet...I realised my fingers were juz resting on the keyboard...I stopped playing. And I realised, tears were "dropping" down from my eyes. Funny...I was...crying? It can't be...I din feel any sadness or watsoeva to cry abt. I felt pretty normal..juz dazed only. Its like...since pri something I last cried. I dis sort of pattern...if I feel sad, it would linger inside of me for a while..and then I would be happy again. I wasn't exactly all stressed out till I'm breaking down...thats so........but no. I could take this sort of stress..its really nothing. Wateva...anw I went to my phone.. message.
Charity: So how was Chem?
Haha..how was it...? there were so much to tell her...but in the end...
Me: Die.
Friday, October 07, 2005 Chem....was do-able..but we or maybe just me, didn't have enough time to finish it. MCQ, last 6 qns were all gasak....section C, last qns no time to do the last parts. This haunted me all the way home...I thought of all the excuses why I couldn't finish the paper.
"The MCQ needed lots of thinking and working to do...we were only given 45 mins...yeah that must be it."
"I couldn't do the paper cuz of lack of exam skills, not bcos I didn't study...yeah thats comforting to know."
"I certainly wouldn't encounter such a prob in JC 2 next time..yeah."
Excuses...in the end, everyone sits for the same paper, had the same amt of time...these are just...trivia excuses. I was so frustrated with myself......played on the organ. Searched around my scores...what to play? Canon in D poped out from somewhere in the archives file...ok its a nice song...might calm me down...
So I played....I vented my anger all on the song..and to my surprise, it sounded beautiful. All the little accents and staccatos I didn't bother to play before were all added in, and the music sounded totally different. It sounded like what I was looking for in that piece all these while since I last played it for the concert. It had the feel in it.
As i played, I thought about many things...about the exam, the atmosphere of the class when the paper was snatched away from them under their noses. (We were one of the unlucky classes to use klzroom..hall had no space to accomodate...not fair lo.) Then, I thought abt lg. his whole face and eyes were red. He was...dazed. He wasn't in his angry and BHB mood like the norm. It was...different. Instead of shouting arnd like a dumbf*** (sorry), he was silent. I thought he would drag Edmund to share his anger as usual, but he didn't...he walked with...Shir. Apparently I was walking with Shir too la...brothers wat. At the gate,
Lg: F*** la! F*** la!
Shir: why?
Lg: I didn't bring my calculator
And then, we seperated. Their bus stop was the opp one...mine wasn't. I thought about how he felt. Chem was one of his better sub. I would feel the same way too if I was him. Apparently, I was supposed to feel that way at that moment....but somehow, I couldn't stop my happy character from springing out. Instead offeeling sad and remorseful. I felt...normal. As if it was juz another boring day at sch and it was finally time to go home. I even called Maurice (he missed called me during my paper) to ask wat his prob was.
Me: you call for wat?
Maurice: I'm soooo bored at home, all your exams end so late....I don wanna be stuck at home, I wanna go out! Friday night go out for dinner?
Thats so him....using other plp like his pet....during his exam period he would nvr "go out for dinner"...but after his exams, he would find ways and means to drag anyone out to accompany him. I couldn't think properly yet..my mind was still on the chem paper.
Me: Uh....
Maurice: What's your paper left?
Me: Phy, maths, econs mcq & drq....
Maurice: Aiya can one la...juz go out with me please? I'm so bored at home la.
The "please" word..thats his favorite. I din noe what to ans, was still in a daze...so...
Me: ok you treat lo.
Maurice: ok set!
Thinking back, I wondered why I even said that...I shouldn't even be thinking of enjoying...but thats juz me. My mind is full of enjoyment, fun, happiness. I nvr feel sad for long. (Juz realised I sound like some chiko). But the sudden beeping of my HP thrusted me back out of dreamworld. I realised its quiet...I realised my fingers were juz resting on the keyboard...I stopped playing. And I realised, tears were "dropping" down from my eyes. Funny...I was...crying? It can't be...I din feel any sadness or watsoeva to cry abt. I felt pretty normal..juz dazed only. Its like...since pri something I last cried. I dis sort of pattern...if I feel sad, it would linger inside of me for a while..and then I would be happy again. I wasn't exactly all stressed out till I'm breaking down...thats so........but no. I could take this sort of stress..its really nothing. Wateva...anw I went to my phone.. message.
Charity: So how was Chem?
Haha..how was it...? there were so much to tell her...but in the end...
Me: Die.
wanderer